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Things That Helped When I Had Cancer
Everyone’s experience with cancer is different, but I wanted to put together a list of things that helped me personally when I had cancer. Obviously, your doctors should be your first source of information, so if their advice clashes with mine, go with their advice over mine. Also, this is not an exhaustive list, it’s just what I can remember off the top of my head. I hope you never need this list, but here it is just in case! Resources: -If you’re between the ages of 18 and 39, check out Stupid Cancer. This organization supports and advocates for young adults with cancer. Their website lists a bunch…
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The Incarnation: Advent Poem #5
I am covered in dust, muck, grime, and scars. Meanwhile You are clothed in a blanket of stars. And yet You threw off those covers while retaining their shine, and put on a covering that’s similar to mine. Hands that hold the universe As a baby can’t hold a thing Now familiar with deep weakness Both a pauper and a King Not random or an accident But part of an eternal plan In order to redeem us Our Holy God became a man We who’ve dwelt in darkness Live in that place no longer There is no need to fear the night We’ve an advocate who’s stronger Redemption’s…
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Mary’s Poem: Advent Poem #4
I have borne many things As I have borne this son I have borne the stigma of being An unwed mother, Heartache of separation from my parents, Weight upon my body as we traveled, The deep joy of carrying this baby in my womb, And pain upon bringing him into the world. What will he bear, I wonder As I look at him now. So perfect, so precious. I never knew how I could love someone so much. I’ve felt him move and kick and grow inside of me, And I’ve wondered, What kind of mother Will I be? And who will teach me How all this works, Since my…
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An Angel Visits Mary: Advent Poem #3
(Based on Luke 1:26-38) God sent an angel to Nazareth, to the village of Galilee He was there to see a peasant girl, a virgin named Mary “Hello! You are truly blessed. The Lord is with you, favored one!” This saying troubled Mary, she was honestly quite stunned. “Do not be afraid, do not fear, for you’ve found favor with God!” “You will conceive and give birth to a son!” But Mary found this news quite odd. She was engaged to Joseph, but still a virgin, you see She told the angel Gabriel this, and asked, “how can this be?” “The Holy Spirit will come upon you And you’ll be…
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Waiting for the Light That Has Already Come: Advent Poem #2
Lord have mercy We live in a world Full of both sunsets And sunken ships Of indescribable beauty and light And darkness so thick we can’t breathe Even though the light has come We still taste the sting of death Knowing that we belong to life Yet not experiencing its fullness yet Lord have mercy It hurts to watch the people we love Struggle with difficult things Or watch them experience pain We long for the darkness to completely flee And only light remain The world seems seeped in trouble Illness, prejudice, hunger, violence We’re desperate for things to change But sometimes it feels as though Your answer is silence…
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The Darkest of Nights: Advent Poem #1
It is the darkest of nights It has been this way For a very long time You are silent But the earth is not It groans Like the creaking of An abandoned house Whose rooms Were once filled with life And now seems to weep Because it knows emptiness Is not what it was created for Its darkened windows Staring blankly Crying out for light To fill them once again. Or like an old ship In an ancient harbor Rocking and swaying and creaking Not really seaworthy Still floating But just barely Or like my bones, groaning Carrying too much weight Aching But still working, Though in pain, Not the…
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Dandelion: A Poem About lllness
I am weak People think That I am strong But this has shown me Just how weak I am. I have trouble concentrating Or functioning in normal society. All I want to be Is asleep. But when I lie in my bed. I find that I cannot. Illness makes me panic. All I want to do is escape my body But it is the one thing that follows me Wherever I go So I find that I cannot be rid of my self. I long for God to show Himself as Healer But often I lie there Wondering Why isn’t Jesus helping me? What to do When the prayers don’t…
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Words For When the Healing Has Yet to Come
(This was written back in May, in the early days of my cancer diagnosis when I was already so exhausted from the testing and major life decisions I did not know how I was going to take another step forward. Maybe it will speak to you where you’re at as well.) Sometimes I feel like I cannot Even reach Your garments. Other times, as if I am swaddled in them. Sometimes I feel as though I am crawling In the dirt Reaching Reaching Reaching But all I can grab Are fistfuls of dirt and gravel Sharp rocks cutting my hands. They are bleeding My muscles are straining And mentally,…
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Beautylicious
The office of my surgical oncologist must be in the plastic surgery annex of the hospital. There is a poster on the exam room door asking patients if they are bothered by the fullness beneath their chin (and offering a solution to that “problem”), as well as a display in the waiting room promising that “everyone will notice but no one will know” that the patient has had some sort of wrinkle reduction procedure. (There’s no such promise made for cancer patients, however. Everyone notices and everyone knows). Sitting in these spaces a few months ago, I wished I was one of the lucky people who had the time and…
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I Have Cancer. Here’s the Story.
I woke up in my hospital bed on Christmas Eve to Lori Laughlin on the Hallmark Channel. She was telling everyone that all of her Christmas memories were warm and cozy. I showed Lori Laughlin my middle finger. I choose to believe this was a result of the anesthesia, partly because I don’t really remember doing it, and partly because I know for a fact that flipping people off is not a part of my normal behavior. I suppose I did it because the only thing worse than being in the hospital on Christmas Eve is someone reminding you that you aren’t supposed to be spending this time in the…
