Why I Don’t Compliment People on Their Weight Loss

In the Fall of 2017, I started getting sick. It would take months and months of tests and procedures to discover that I had cancer. In the meantime, between getting sick and diagnosis, I began losing weight. People complimented me on how good I looked, and asked me what I’d done to drop the pounds. But I wasn’t excited about the weight loss. Instead, I was terrified. It can be scary to lose weight when you’re not trying. What if I couldn’t stop? Would I eventually waste away to nothing? When I looked in the mirror, my thinner self was a reminder of how weak I was. I know that people meant well, but compliments about my weight loss put me in an awkward position.

Here are some reasons I don’t compliment people on their weight loss:

1. I may not know the full story. A person could be losing weight because they are physically ill, or struggling with anxiety, or have an eating disorder, or other reason. My compliments on their weight loss could either put them in an awkward position, make them feel worse, or even encourage their disorder.

2. I don’t want them to feel shame if they gain the weight back. I used to compete in pageants, and lost quite a few pounds during that time. When I stopped competing and gained the weight back, I was afraid to be around people who had seen me at my thinner state. I was worried that they might whisper amongst themselves about how I had “let myself go.” I never want someone to be worried that I will notice their weight gain. I want them to feel comfortable around me no matter their size.

3. I want people to know their weight does not matter to me. It’s not something I focus on.

4. Complimenting someone on their weight loss can come across as an insult. When you say, “Oh my goodness, you look so good!” it can sound like you are implying the person did not look good before.

This is not to say I won’t encourage people in their health and fitness goals. But it’s important to remember that being healthy and fit can look a lot of different ways, and doesn’t necessarily correspond to dress size.

Of course, it’s also important to remember to have grace with one another. I can guarantee that I’ve said plenty of things that made someone feel awkward or even hurt them, even if I didn’t mean to. Let’s all do our best to carefully consider our words, and have grace with one another at the same time.