I Have Cancer. Here’s the Story.

I woke up in my hospital bed on Christmas Eve to Lori Laughlin on the Hallmark Channel. She was telling everyone that all of her Christmas memories were warm and cozy. I showed Lori Laughlin my middle finger. I choose to believe this was a result of the anesthesia, partly because I don’t really remember doing it, and partly because I know for a fact that flipping people off is not a part of my normal behavior.

I suppose I did it because the only thing worse than being in the hospital on Christmas Eve is someone reminding you that you aren’t supposed to be spending this time in the hospital. Instead, you’re supposed to be eating cookies, and looking at lights, and falling in love with the woodcarver/ farmer/ elementary school teacher who also happens to be directing the town Christmas pageant. None of my doctors were single young men so I didn’t even have the “Healing Love: He fixed her bile duct, but can he fix her broken heart?” story line going for me.

I suppose I also showed Lori Laughlin my middle finger because I was just so tired. So. Tired. I had come home for a visit with my family and some much-needed rest after an extraordinarily stressful semester. Almost immediately, however, I got sick. After a few days of abdominal pain, my skin and eyes turned yellow, and my big sister said, “Get yourself to a hospital.” So I did. The CT scan showed a blockage in my bile duct, which the doctors assumed was the result of a gall stone. I checked into one of the big hospitals in Sioux Falls, and the next morning they did something called an ERCP to clean out the blockage. That’s when I woke up to Lori Laughlin rubbing my face in the whole situation.

That night I got pancreatitis, a condition which brought more pain than I knew a human being could even experience.

A couple of days later they took out my gallbladder. A couple of days after that, they sent me home. I spent a total of six nights in the hospital.

I was almost relieved to step onto the plane and fly back to my grad-school home, ready to put the chaos of illness behind me and start over. The first week of school, I was supposed to have another ERCP done, where the doctor was to take out the stent that had been placed during the previous one.

But as I woke up, the doctor told me that since there was still a stricture there, she put another stent in. Apparently, I responded by saying, “Are you kidding me?!” Followed by “I promise I’m not a bad person! Jesus loves you!”

The doctor said she wanted to keep looking to figure out what was going on in my body, so she scheduled a colonoscopy. When I came back for that procedure, the doctor told me that she thought the stricture could be a result of damage from radiation treatments I received when I was 19, for a cancer called Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She told me she would refer me to an oncologist.

The oncologist told me she was pretty sure I was cured, but decided to order an MRI anyway. To everyone’s surprise, the results showed a mass on my pancreas, and several funky-looking lymph nodes. This called for a procedure to take a biopsy of the mass and lymph nodes. Unfortunately, the results came back “non-diagnostic pathology” (but thankfully, it showed it was not pancreatic cancer). The oncologist ordered a PET scan, which showed that the funky looking lymph nodes and pancreatic mass were indeed malignant. This meant one more procedure: surgery to take out a lymph node and test it. Finally, on Thursday, May 10th, after nearly a semester long of testing, the doctor officially diagnosed me with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, stage 2E.

The good news is it’s completely treatable! I will have chemotherapy treatments every other week for six months, beginning on May 30th. I have felt the presence of the Lord deeply during this time. I am so thankful that He lead me to doctors who kept digging to find out what was wrong.

Many people respond to this news by asking, “What can I do to help?” Here’s what you can do:

-Pray! Pray my body responds to the treatments well, that I stay positive and joy-filled, and that I am protected from any side effects. Also, please pray for my family. They all live in South Dakota, and I will have treatments in Kentucky. Please pray that God gives them peace and encouragement even as we are apart.

-Keep treating me normally! I have a group of friends who I will vent to and cry with, but for the most part, talking about this all of the time is really exhausting. It is much more fun to talk about normal things, like how your semester is going, or the movie you saw last weekend, or a funny joke you’ve heard. It’s really important that you still see me first, and not the cancer. If you know me, you know I like to laugh and have fun! I will still like to laugh and have fun, even while undergoing chemotherapy!

-Don’t comment on my weight. My weight has changed because of my illness. Talking about it as if it’s a good thing makes me uncomfortable.

-STAY HOME IF YOU ARE SICK. The treatments will decrease my ability to fight infection. So, if you’re going to be around me, please get your flu shot and stay home if you feel ill.

-Encouragement is always nice! If you’re a far-away friend feel free to write me a letter now and then. Snail mail is so fun!

– Give me some suggestions for my reading list! I love novels and non-fiction books about interesting people, places, and events!

I’m so grateful to have so many folks in my life who care about me. Thank you, friends!

Some people make gender reveal cupcakes. I make cancer reveal cupcakes.